Wonderings in wandering

I came round. But dared not open my eyes. My brain throbbed, I could count my pulse. My fingertips felt cool starchy cloth by my side and across me. My whole face was now throbbing as my blood pressure rose. There were no voices but I could sense someone’s presence. They lifted my left hand and I felt a tugging on my skin. My face winced which hurt as my brow and nose furrowed. My eyes opened with the pain. Bright white light made my pupils sting. I squinted through the lids. The nurse lowered my hand along with the drip line. I was laid on my back. Each breath I took made my ribs crack like a hens egg. I became very conscious that everything hurt. There was the familiar smell of vodka and vomit mixed with anti-septic disinfectant. Why always pine or lemon? I peered out from the smallest gap I could make in my eyelids. I tried to inhale enough air to ask a question. My mouth and throat were powder dry. Memory started to drip into my mind. Just drops at first. Watching TV, some music th...

  I’ve seen miracles happen before my eyes, witnessed empty souls become human again. More than human, I’ve seen them struggle and fight against an invisible, yet all-consuming, foe. One who is dark, deceptive, relentless and cruel. I’ve watched them grow with a determination, grace and humility unknown to the masses. They have found new depths of consciousness and understanding worthy of any monk or mystic. Dark eyes once sunken now lifted and bright and skins pallor now blushes with hope. And, yes, I’ve seen them fall and flounder but never fail because once they have seen how it can be, it doesn’t leave them. We may be pulled back under, time and again by our demon of choice, but each time we resurface with precious lessons learned. Recovery is not just change, for change is too small a word. It is not merely putting down the bottle, ditching the pin or putting out smoke. Its not just quitting. It’s starting again. It is renewed vitality,...

  I want to start by wishing you all the best at this time of year. But, for now, I want to talk to the addicts amongst you. I don’t need to tell you this can be a really hard time of year. I’m coming up to 3 years sober and I know the temptations that rear their heads about now. I’m no expert but just wanted to share some thoughts. Firstly, harm reduction. This i s a time of huge and gross excess, so much booze consumed and left in chunky puddles on the pavement or down the toilet. A time of maybe buying that extra gram cos its Christmas or having to use a new dealer cos your usual guy is dry. Be aware of the amount you are drinking/using and what it is. If its booze, know the percentage and whether they’re pub doubles or home doubles. If its the substance of your choice, be sure what your taking is safe. Even if you’re gonna wake up with a hangover or a come down, make sure you wake up!Keep in mind why you’re drinking/using. Don’t over analyse at this point, but hav...