Wonderings in wandering

What are thoughts? They can be pleasant, joyful, scary, destructive, angry... They can be treasured or forgotten, hung on to or masked, numbed. They can be distracting or focusing. I recently discovered the difference between conscious and un/subconscious thought. Now, at 43, I was kinda gobsmacked that I hadn't fully understood it before. I had always believed that a conscious thought was one that you were aware of and that a subconscious thought was invisible to the mind. For example, if I thought "that trees leaves are green", that was a conscious thought. A subconscious thought was me putting one foot in front of the other to walk, or opening my hand to pick something up. Those thoughts that seem to bubble up from nowhere I believed to be conscious thoughts because i was conscious of them, no matter how mundane or bizarre they were. Anything from "why is nicotine addictive?" to "what would actually happen if I shot someone?". From imag

  I know I’m frustrated. I know I’m angry. I don’t know why. I know what to do To try to quell it, But for one reason I don’t want to let it go. I surround myself with Loud noises and angry voices Ride a wave of my own Feather spitting. And still I don’t know why, I just am. A vigorous scribble scratched Inside my skull, No end to pull at. Just gritted teeth Tense shoulders Clenched fists My feet stomping one After the other. Feeling if I lose this feeling I’ll never get it back. This is my fire, but Its uncontrolled and unfocused I revel in it as I Blister and burn Tightness in my ribs Dare you cross me now?

  I want to start by wishing you all the best at this time of year. But, for now, I want to talk to the addicts amongst you. I don’t need to tell you this can be a really hard time of year. I’m coming up to 3 years sober and I know the temptations that rear their heads about now. I’m no expert but just wanted to share some thoughts. Firstly, harm reduction. This i s a time of huge and gross excess, so much booze consumed and left in chunky puddles on the pavement or down the toilet. A time of maybe buying that extra gram cos its Christmas or having to use a new dealer cos your usual guy is dry. Be aware of the amount you are drinking/using and what it is. If its booze, know the percentage and whether they’re pub doubles or home doubles. If its the substance of your choice, be sure what your taking is safe. Even if you’re gonna wake up with a hangover or a come down, make sure you wake up!Keep in mind why you’re drinking/using. Don’t over analyse at this point, but have it