Wonderings in wandering

I put my head on the pillow and drift off….   Shiva sweeps aside the remnants of yesterday: Gains, strivings, losses and ambitions Clearing the table for tonight’s game Flanked by greater and lesser angels and demons. I’m lost in dreams while a silver ball spins against the roulette wheel of my soul. Each number an affection, a state of being randomly selected for the next day. The silver blur slows Jumps, flicks and rattles from one bay to the next: Happy, blue, angry, drained, joy, sorrow, hope… Each have an even chance. The crowd around the table leans in Waiting to see it fall, to claim possession. The fate of the following day rests on this outcome. A day of peace or another of battle? But they wont know, I wont know Until my head lifts and my eyes open And I feel it saturate my body and soul Ready for another day of starting again.

Blue is the train that Coltrane blew. Blue is the Note that made dreams come true. Blue is John Lee Hooker and B.B. King. Blues are what made Billie Holiday sing. Blue is the sapphire in a wedding ring. Blue are the eyes that you lose yourself in. Blue is the sky, blue is the sea. Blue the intensity of lapis lazuli. Blue is the colour of the NHS, Flashing blue lights helping people in distress. Blue are the helmets of peacekeeping troops. And blue are the pills that I purchase from Boots. Blue is the kingfisher, perched by a stream,. And 'Blue is the colour' (for one London team). Blue comes the moon on rare starry nights, And blue is the colour of Supermans tights!

Today, there is a much greater awareness and, to some extent, acceptance of mental health issues. It is as wide a spectrum of syndromes, disorders, disabilities,....as light. And as with light, some are clearly visible, some are only visible under certain conditions, while others are invisible. Just a glance at the Table of Contents of the DSM (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) or the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) section on Mental Disorders, gives an insight into the amount of, what I'll call, mental disorders. In combination, there are almost infinite diagnoses, for instance Post Traumatic Stress Disorder leading to High Anxiety related Substance Misuse causing Psychotic episodes. Now, not holding a PhD in Psychiatry or Psychology, my lack of knowledge of terms and causations may be obvious. But having suffered with higher and lower levels of Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Paranoia, along with Alcoholism and Substance Use since my late t

  Have we missed an opportunity to hold a common cause? There was a time in early March 2020 when society seemed to be thrown into turmoil. Non essential businesses to be shut, only necessary social contact could be made. Toilet rolls and pasta started disappearing from shelves. Queues at petrol pumps. Anxiety and fear as to whether we would have enough. Like the ‘prepper’s had finally been vindicated. Then the day came, shutters went down. As their clang echoed to silence, another sound started. It was the sound of phones being picked up, of distanced door knockings, real voices of concern. Once the panic of being separated subsided, people realized that it wasn’t like 28 Days Later. For the first time in my life, there was a palpable sense of togetherness vibrating through the country. Not the ‘We’re all in this together’ spouted by politicians, but a togetherness that rose organically. Peoples lives had been forced to slow. We had time to think. Our neighbours became more importa